Havnt had the time !!

Just wanted to update you guys I finished my quilt I will post pictures when I get back from my camping trip with school tomorrow !! I was so busy with my quilt I havnt been around as much to blog I will tell all about the trip. Stay tuned :)

Want to right an angry post ...

People say not to blog when you angry at someone but when you man is talking to another chic wouldnt you want to know???

Any way i had another bad day i just hate life. why me? i cant handle this.

Quote of the day #7

Someone may look happy and look completly normal on the outside, but the truth is. there life can be not what you think ~ me
 “Everyone pretends to be normal and be your best friend, but underneath, everyone is living some other life you don’t know about.”

—	James Franco

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.”- Tupac ( about my trauma )

“Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness.”
― Steve Maraboli

 
 

Almost done with my quilt :)

I worked so hard on my first quilt :)

some quotes cause im up late

“Remember how far you’ve come, not just how far you have to go. You are not where you want to be, but neither are you where you used to be.” 
 

—

Rick Warren  “Some people’s lives seem to flow in a narrative; mine had many stops and starts. That’s what trauma does. It interrupts the plot. You can’t process it because it doesn’t fit with what came before or what comes afterward” — Jessica

Instead of cutting...

one step to healing.... i suppose instead of cutting i called my boyfriend :)

Quote of the day #6

Be thankful for the small things in life
Like my supportive family for not locking me up in a mental place
or that i have a place to call home
my new baby cousin
my sewing skills
my wonderful supportive boyfriend who has stayed with me through all of my hard times.
and that i survived my past :)

quote of the day #5

“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean condoning their behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting how they hurt you or giving that person room to hurt you again. Forgiving someone means making peace with what happened. It means acknowledging your wound, giving yourself permission to feel the pain, and recognizing why that pain no longer serves you. It means letting go of the hurt and resentment so that you can heal and move on. Not because what happened didn’t matter, but because harboring that level of anger and bitterness take up too much energy and cause too much pain. You don’t need any more pain. You need to heal. And in order to do that, you need to forgive. Not for them, but for you.”

—	Daniell Koepke

FEELING SO MUCH BETTER YAY

I am feeling so much better and glad to be back to my blogging cause i missed it for a day even though its a lot of working sitting here at this computer thinking about what to say about my daily life. Cause i go through it everyday its like nothing new to me. But i feel so much better just a little bug went through me medicine works like a charm !

Not blogging today

Super sick hoping I don't have the flu :( anyway back to sleep for me

GOOD MORNING !! Some quotes...

"What do you first do when you learn to swim? You make mistakes, do you not? And what happens? You make other mistakes, and when you have made all the mistakes you possibly can without drowning - and some of them many times over - what do you find? That you can swim? Well - life is just the same as learning to swim! Do not be afraid of making mistakes, for there is no other way of learning how to live!” - Alfred Alder

quote of the day #4

Even though your going through a rough time, just know there is always an end. Nothing lasts forever. My pain i feel i have to feel it in order to let it go & trust me its fucking hard....

made this myself after a bad day but tomorrow will be better....i hope

Really upset & hate men.

I hate men
i hate what happend to me
i hate how bad people feel for me
i hate how its embarresing
i hate loosing time
i hate flashbacks
i hate feeling this sickness in my stomach
i hate how i never feel safe
i hate how the man works at an elementary school
i hate getting angry
But most of all i hate my sadness...
 Like i just want to cry and cry and cry but... i cant.
Im so depressed its not even funny.......

I just want someone to talk to that knows what i am going through :(

My sewing skills !! & projects i made

My quilt when i FIRST started it i am almost finished now.

I love to sew that is what i do. No T.v Blog ,write , color and of course sew. What i made today?? is a pillow case i got beautiful fabric at school tried there sewing machine set it up but it sucks. Its a mini one and  i have this big sewing machine i just started making quilts with thanks to my grandfathers girlfriend.

the purple one !! Aint it prettty!!! i love it and its so silky cant wait to sleep on it tonight after my long bad day.

made this bowl in art

did not paint it but i thought it was super cute

painted this :)

Quote of the day #3

This is me... the top one but sometimes i feel like just giving up.

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces." 
 "Regardless of how filthy your past has been, your future is still spotless. Don’t start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday. Every day is a fresh start. Each day is a new beginning. Every morning we wake up is the first day of the rest of our life"

"You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain"

whats on my mind ... who i was..or am. dont know.

I hate looking bad. If you look bad you feel bad.. that's just me though. At my school no one dresses up they scrub they don't give a shit... But me i came from schools were it was competition and looks were all that mattered i got bullied because i was looking like a boy in bad clothes. So i changed not for them but for me.. i tried it out maybe i could fit in.. & i did i was so happy i had tons of "friends" If they were real they would have stayed with me through all of this. But nope they didn't so i ended up friendless in a big school were all it mattered was clothes. Now i am in a school where no one cares... & people ask me why i am so dressed up all the time. But that is who i became. It makes me happy when i look good. THAT'S ME. If i could i would were a fancy dress everyday or skirts and such. Not really a fan of jeans , I like rompers though. Any who that's just who i am I NEED to LOOK GOOD in order to FEEL GOOD.

Quote of the day #2

"My sweet child, you were never alone"
"When you look back and see only one set of footprints, know it was when I was carrying you"

Me and then all the other people inside me... DID

Quote of the day #1

“Focus on the future, not on the past because better days lie ahead”

Hate hurting the people i love

I hate hurting the people i love, emotionally. I got upset because my computer wasn't working i couldn't sign into my new blog !! So i was yelling and screaming at my whole family i feel bad what i have put them through on my long journey with DID  Any who i feel bad but its not me. People who don't have DID have No idea. People must think I'm on drugs so sad. Well anyway I turned into two new alters today...

1. My aunt Marie i was playing with my hair and saying it was curly ( 90 years )

1. a kitty if that's even possible i was just wanting to sleep and play.QUESTION why do i turn into monster + a kitten is that normal for people with DID ???? 

 

Well thats all for today..

Welcome to my blog

I made this blog to let out my feelings, and to let others know what i am going through. & Maybe help others down the road who might be going through the same as me.This blog will be about many things. How my day went with my DID, me getting my life back ,Coping skills,how the brain works when you go through trauma,PTSD, Therapeutic activities, me losing weight. & so much more.Just know you are not alone, you are not crazy. So please read my other pages and stay tuned