My Trauma *Trigger warning*

 Read what people have put me through....& i am still alive



You think where does an 8 year old learn this from? Well if you read what ive been through. Maybe you would understand.I had a best friend who i spent every day after school, every weekend with. I was being touched by my best friend who was 8 also. I never told my parents because she threatend me that i wouldnt be able to go over her house anymore. I was only 8 so i just went along with it. She use to make me play alot of bad games an 8 year old shouldnt know..She use to make me play santa. Santa is a game where kids sit on santas lap and santa touches them. Again where does an 8 year old know that? She also use to force me under her bed. She would either touch me or force me to stick things up her and touch her. And me as a little 8 year old didnt want to loose my best friend so i went along with it.

8 years later
I met a guy at church we were friends for a couple months. Of corse this guy has many other girls that are his friend if you get what im saying. Player alert!!! He asked me out and as an 8 grade girl i fall in " puppy like" with the kid. we dated for 4 months For two he was okay i mean besides him cheating on me and sleeping with other girls. What a great guy huh ? Well again i was scared to loose someone again like in 2 grade. Two months later after getting what he wanted from me and how stupid i was and regret it so much. He starts doing heroin and crack and smokes alot of pot. He then starts hitting me and telling me im worth nothing and im fat. And no other guy would like me. He came over one day and he was pretty messed up, he started punching me i have to dodge punches and he hits the wall. I fall to the floor and he starts kicking me. I try and try to get up he smashes me into the mirror. im covered in blood... Then.. he just leaves and never to be seen again. He came back last year saying he would kill me. The police found him in my backyard and now hes locked up might move out of state. Ive been hurt already by two people. I already have ALOT of trauma. But nope that wasnt enough......
One year later


It all started in a chinease food parking lot. I told my mom i dont feel right and normal. I explain to her that i feel like im watching a movie of myself and my life feels like a dream. I then started have flashbacks three weeks later. I started seeing dark figures in my flashbacks it was two people I then see who it was. It was tom.. Kelsey's father. Turns out i was raped by him and kelsey multiple times for two years.I knew Kelsey was touching and doing stuff to me, but i suppressed and blocked out the father was to. He would take kelsey and as a 2 grader would do, i ran after to save my best friend. As i ran after her i heard the screams , the crying , his noises and grunts. When i arrived in the room i started trying to help kelsey. Tom ( the father ) then ties me up and throws in the closet. Another times he throws me under the bed, Another time he would tie me somewhere and make me watch him hurting raping kelsey. He would stick his thing in my mouth and do stuff to me as well. It wasnt kelseys fault it wasnt my fault. We were only in 2 grade we had no idea. He told me if i ever told anyone he would kill me so i blocked EVERYTHING out.
A couple weeks later
Well since Ive been through a lot of trauma. There are after effects ive been diagnosed with DID dissociative identity disorder ( Multiple personalities ). I go back and think my trauma at kelseys house is happening to me again. I turn 8 called the little person i start dancing or clapping. Theres also an angry person i walk down the middle of the street trying to kill myself or walk on train tracks. Ive been through hell the past 7 -8 months.. When im in public and i turn 8 people laugh , people point , people are confused or scared. Im 15 almost 16 and when people see a big person acting like there 8. Its kinda freaky. But hey im different... everyone has there own problems.What this man put me through is discusting. Im still trying to heal.. I still have a long road ahead of me.
Well I'm still trying to heal from this ... I'm have more alters coming out and bad flash backs at school and home and in therapy I hate it , it's embarrasing I feel like no one knows